We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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