I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
did i just pee glitter
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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