I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
