four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize