i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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