A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My first STD was from a foam party
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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