Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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