i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
