booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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