After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
