WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
