If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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