It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
