eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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