On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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