...so i touched it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
