I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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