I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
