had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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