I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
