I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
