Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
