Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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