Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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