brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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