he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
