I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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