God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
