your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
