Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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