Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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