things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
