My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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