i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
