i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
