YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
