Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How does it feel to date your dad?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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