he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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