Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
