Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
