Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
