You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
