Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
