the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
