I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
