I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
