What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
