Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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