Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
