If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
