I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Everything about him screamed your future.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
