Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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