Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
