You smell like a Billy Joel song
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
