EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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