I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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