All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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