My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
