Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She is in my trunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
