Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
