My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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