All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
