i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize