meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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