PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
