I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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