thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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