Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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