I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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