he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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