but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
