My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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