dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
