sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
