The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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