I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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