He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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