My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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