is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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