I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you never un-have a 4some
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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