Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize