What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
