he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
