Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
