please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
