I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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