i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize