shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
