Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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