oh god the rape fog is back!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
