WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
