just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
