My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
