It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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