I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
