am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
