Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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