I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
