This is not my ceiling
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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