when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you never un-have a 4some
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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