Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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