so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
