I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
