My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
