You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
