Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
