I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
