Screwed.edu
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
