I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and she was petting her beer can
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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