so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
