hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
