Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone signed my nipple.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
