recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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