Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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