like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
