Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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