i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
