I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His hands were made for my vagina.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
