first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
