You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
