just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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