Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
