hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
pop tarts are not kleenex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my poor anus
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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